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Monty Python


Matt
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pthyon python is the best tv prog ever made by the bbc and also the films too ,like the life of brian ,here is a copy of a script of one of the scenes that i am sure everyone remembers

 

 

 

Centurion: Hail Caesar.

Pilate: Hail Caesar.

Centurion: Only one survivor, Sir.

Pilate: Thwow him to the floor.

Centurion: What, Sir?

Pilate: Thwow him to the floor.

Centurion: Ah!

(He motions to the two Roman guards, who throw Brian to the ground.)

Pilate: Now, what is your name, Jew?

Brian: Brian.

Pilate: Bwian, eh?

Brian: (trying to be helpful) No, *Brian*.

(The Centurion cuffs him.)

Pilate: The little wascal has thpiwit.

Centurion: Has what, sir?

Pilate: *THPIWIT*.

Centurion: Yes, he did, sir.

Pilate: No, no, thpiwit...bwavado...a touch of dewwing-do.

Centurion: (still not really understanding) Ah. About eleven, sir.

Pilate: (to Brian) So you dare to waid uth.

Brian: (rising to his feet) To what?

Pilate: Stwike him, centuwion, vewwy woughly.

Centurion: And throw him to the floor, Sir?

Pilate: What?

Centurion: THWOW him to the floor again, Sir?

Pilate: Oh, yeth. Thwow him to the floor.

(The Centurion knocks Brian hard on the side of the head again and

the two guards throw him to the floor.)

Pilate: Now, Jewith wapscallion.

Brian: I'm not Jewish ... I'm a Roman!

Pilate: *WOMAN*?

Brian: No, *ROMAN*.

(But he's not quick enough to avoid another blow from the Centurion.)

Pilate: Tho, your father was a *WOMAN*. Who wath he?

Brian: (proudly) He was a centurion in the Jerusalem Garrison.

Pilate: Oh. What was his name?

Brian: Nortius Maximus.

 

(An involuntary titter arises from the Centurion.)

 

Pilate: Centuwion, do we have anyone of that name in the gawwison?

Centurion: Well...no, sir.

Pilate: You sound vewwy sure...have you checked?

Centurion: Well...no, sir. I think it's a joke, sir...like...Sillius

Soddus, or...Biggus Dickus.

Pilate: What's so funny about Bigguth Dickuth?

Centurion: Well,...it's a...a joke name, sir.

Pilate: I have a vewwy gweat fwend in Wome called Bigguth Dickuth.

 

(Involuntary laughter from a nearby guard surprises Pilate.)

 

Pilate: Silence! What is all this insolence? You will find yourself in

gladiator school vewwy quickly with wotten behaviour like that.

 

(The guard tries to stop giggling. Pilate turns away from him. He is angry.)

 

Brian: Can I go now sir...

(The Centurion strikes him.)

Pilate: Wait till Bigguth hears of this!

 

(The guard immediately breaks up again. Pilate turns on him.)

 

Pilate: Wight! Centuwion...take him away.

Centurion: Oh sir, he only....

Pilate: I want him fighting wabid wild animals within a week.

Centurion: Yes, sir.

(He starts to drag out the wretched guard. Brian notices that

little attention is being paid to him.)

Pilate: I will not have my fwendth widiculed by the common tholdiewy.

(He walks slowly towards the other guards.)

Pilate: Now...anyone else feel like a little giggle when I mention my fwend-

(He goes right up to one of the guards.)

Biggus ... Dickus. He has a wife you know.

(The guards tense up.)

Called Incontinentia.

(The guards relax.)

Incontinentia Buttockth!

(The guards fall about laughing. Brian takes advantage of the

chaos to slip away.)

Thilenth! I've had enough of this wowdy webel behaviour. Thtop it!

You call yourselves Pawaetonian guards? Thilence!

(But the guards are all hysterical by now. Pilate notices

Brian escaping.)

You cwowd of cwacking-up cweeps. Theize him! Blow your noses and

theize him! Oh, my bum.

Edited by boboafc
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I dont find that even remotely funny, i suppose the two Ronnies just werent my cuppa tea, allthough i loved open all hours!

Got to agree, Beardy. Never liked the Two Ronnies - or any of that slapstick stuff - can't stand many of the so-called 'classics', like Fawlty Towers, Only Fools and Horses, Porridge, Morcambe and Wise. Just not my cuppa!

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Got to agree, Beardy. Never liked the Two Ronnies - or any of that slapstick stuff - can't stand many of the so-called 'classics', like Fawlty Towers, Only Fools and Horses, Porridge, Morcambe and Wise. Just not my cuppa!

 

:sign0094: Whaddya mean "so called" Mads. They ARE classics full stop, good grief woman whats wrong with you. This is nearly as bad as BB80 tell us that Black Adder wasn't remotly funny and it was in fact she-ite. :blink:

 

And Beardy, fork handle not funny arrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

 

 

 

Anyway now for the best

 

:lol:

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