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Want to cure hangovers, beat the credit crunch, improve sexual prowess, overcome depression or repel mosquitoes?


Diego_Sideburns
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A Marmite fanatic has unveiled his new art installation at the side of the Thames - a 12ft tall sandwich with lashings of the spread.

 

George Lambert, 35, who scoffs the dark brown stuff for breakfast, lunch and dinner, was recently named as the first Marmite Sarniologist.

 

From the rarely wrong Burton Mail:

Marmite-mad man spreading the love

by Tim Fletcher

 

BURTON'S second most famous export cures hangovers, helps beat the credit crunch and improves sexual prowess.

 

Final.JPG

 

That's the claim of George Lambert, a 35-year-old builder who has this week been hailed as the UK's number one Marmite lover.

 

Mr Lambert is so addicted to the Burton-produced brown stuff that he uses it as an ingredient in all his meals, with his diet largely composed of Marmite sandwiches.

 

"It's a bit crazy - it started because my mum gave it to me and my sister as kids and we both loved it," he told The Mail.

 

"I like to think if I'm not an expert at anything else I can at least do a nice tiered sandwich."

 

A combo featuring watercress, goat's cheese, red onion and Marmite is a particular favourite, along with an even more unconventional butty - bananas, crisps and Marmite.

 

Mr Lambert, now living in Hackney, east London, favours the modern plastic tube - launched two years ago - over the traditional glass jar, earning him the nickname 'Squeezie' among his workmates.

 

He also disputes the 'love it or hate it' divide which Marmite's manufacturer, the food and drink giant Unilever, is keen to promote in its adverts.

 

"People who say they hate it either haven't tried it, or they squeeze loads on," he said. "They don't realise you have to spread it really thin.

 

"That's another great thing about Marmite, especially with the credit crunch - it lasts a long time, so you save money."

 

Mr Lambert, who says his Marmite-themed sandwiches help to get him through 12 and 14-hour shifts on the building site, reckons the popular spread has some unexpected health benefits.

 

"I think it's a natural source of vitamins - I swear by it and I don't get colds. In fact, I don't really get ill at all," he said.

 

"I reckon it cures hangovers. If I wake up a bit groggy in the morning, I just get the Marmite out and I feel fine."

 

If that sounds ironic given the spread's origins - made from leftover yeast from Burton's breweries - then Mr Lambert also claims Marmite's high yeast content has a 'rising' effect in more ways than one.

 

He claims his Marmite-heavy diet gives him 'a strong performance in the bedroom', and perhaps not surprisingly, his partner Joy - a former Marmite 'hater' - is now a convert.

 

"Before I met her she had never even tried it but now she really likes it," he said. "She was a bit cautious at first but I encouraged her to try a little bit of it - she tried it on toast, and now she loves it."

 

Mr Lambert's boast is the latest in a series of claims about the product's health benefits. In 2003, it was claimed Marmite could help people with depression, while the following year experts claimed people who eat it give off a scent which repels mosquitoes.

 

A spokesman for Marmite, produced in the town for more than a century and currently manufactured at the Unilever Bestfoods factory, in Wellington Road, hailed Mr Lambert as 'an inspiration to anyone that is stuck in a sandwich rut'.

__________________________________________________________

 

People living in Burton-on-Trent, the country's brewing capital, are the third happiest and most contented in the country, social research carried out by the British Household Panel Survey has found. B)

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You do realise that sooner or later it is going to come out that you've been eating :censored: for all these years?

 

NB.

You can beat the credit crunch further by not adding Mar:censored:e to your sandwiches.

It doesn't cure hangovers. That's just a lie.

His bird wasn't a hater as stated, she just hadn't tried it; and she's hardly lightly to say in a local newspaper that he suffers erectile disfunction and on the few times Pele lends him a hand he spoffs in three seconds is she?

I'm sure the mentally ill are now relieved that Marmite can cure their illness.

Marmite eaters give off an odour that repels everything.

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Marmite is actually one of the things best for hangovers (the only cure is not to get them in the first place+time). It contains B vitamins which are lost when you have a session :drinking::drinking45::drinking66: and also help repair the damage to your liver for the long run. My hangover cure of choice (at home- i'd cheat if I were in a hospital) is marmite/vegemite (i prefer the aussie stuff) on toast with diluted coke (coke topped up with water) and being a medic I know a thing or two about hangovers.

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You do realise that sooner or later it is going to come out that you've been eating :censored: for all these years?

 

I think you're getting confused with tomato ketchup, which one day will be discovered to be the root cause of anti-social behaviour. If all those causing havoc in the RRE on Tuesday night had been asked if they liked ketchup, I reckon it would have been near on a 100% affirmative response.

 

Remember where you heard it first.

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I bet if you followed that bloke around in the middle of the night you'd catch him sticking his cock into holes in the pavement.

 

Depraved, degenerate pervert.

 

 

Steady on - I know he's got some crazy ideas when it comes to tommy k and geography, but there's no need to be so abusive. You're out of order :wink:

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  • 1 month later...
I think you're getting confused with tomato ketchup, which one day will be discovered to be the root cause of anti-social behaviour. If all those causing havoc in the RRE on Tuesday night had been asked if they liked ketchup, I reckon it would have been near on a 100% affirmative response.

 

Remember where you heard it first.

 

Now the never-before-read South Wales Echo reports that children can have a tomato sauce if it's made by school cooks themselves. Ketchup bought in bottles has been banned, as it can have high levels of salt and sugar that could be damaging for the children, especially as it is eaten in great lashings, unlike Marmite, which should be spread thinly.

 

The tide has started to turn.

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