stebuzz Posted December 1, 2009 Share Posted December 1, 2009 here are acouple to cheer you up in case we lose tonight. whats the difference between susan boyle and beyonce. 12 pints of beer and 2 viagra tablets 2 old ladies are sitting in the middle of a church service and one turns to the other and says i have just done a silent fart , what do you think of that. i think you should get some new batteries for your hearing aid love. says the other. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boboafc Posted February 26, 2010 Share Posted February 26, 2010 q.what's worse than your dog eating your shoe? A killer whale eating your trainer..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steveoafc Posted February 26, 2010 Share Posted February 26, 2010 A man goes into a library and asks for a book on underage dwarf sex. The librarian says ''how can you stoop so fkin low?'' The man replies '' yes, that's the one!'' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boboafc Posted February 26, 2010 Share Posted February 26, 2010 Michael Jackson wakes up in hospital and says "Dr, am I in heaven?" The Dr replies "No,I'm just wheeling you out through the children's ward". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boboafc Posted February 26, 2010 Share Posted February 26, 2010 Stick your tongue out: Slowly move it up & down, Now move it from side to side, CONGRATULATIONS! You have just completed the Steven Hawking's fitness video Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bring Back Ronnie Moore Posted February 26, 2010 Share Posted February 26, 2010 I met a 14 year old girl on the internet. She was clever, funny, flirty and sexy, so I suggested we meet up. She turned out to be an undercover police detective. How cool is that at her age?! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevie_J Posted February 26, 2010 Share Posted February 26, 2010 A Yorkshireman walks into the bedroom with a sheep on a lead. His wife is sat up in bed, reading. "This is the cow I sleep with when you tell me you've got a headache." he says. Without looking up from the book, his wife retorts, "If you weren't such a stupid t***, you'd know that that is a sheep." To which he replies "And, if you weren't such a presumptuous bitch, you'd realise that I was talking to the sheep." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
intheknow Posted February 26, 2010 Share Posted February 26, 2010 (edited) A man says to his wife"i had to show the grey hairs on my chest to get my pension" Wife replies"you should of showed your cock,we could of got disability". If a woman drinks two glasses of wine a day,it increases the chance of a stroke. But if you buy her the whole bottle,she will probably suck it for you aswell. Edited February 26, 2010 by intheknow Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boboafc Posted March 1, 2010 Share Posted March 1, 2010 Paddy and Murphy are working on a building site. Paddy says to Murphy "I'm gonna have the day off, I'm gonna pretend I'm mad!" He climbs up the rafters, hangs upside down and shouts "I'M A LIGHTBULB! I'M A LIGHTBULB!" Murphy watches in amazement! The Foreman shouts "Paddy you're mad, go home" So he leaves the site. Murphy starts packing his kit up to leave as well. "Where the hell are you going?" asks the Foreman. can't work in the friggin' dark!" says Murphy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frankly Mr Shankly Posted March 1, 2010 Share Posted March 1, 2010 More casual sterotype/racism now... Murphy says to Paddy one day "This jigsaw's too fecking hard, where do I start? It's supposed to be a tiger" Paddy replies "Put the fecking Frosties back in the box Murph, you thick bastard!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garcon Posted March 1, 2010 Share Posted March 1, 2010 The Winter Olympics. Letting white people win at sports no one else can afford to learn. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garcon Posted March 1, 2010 Share Posted March 1, 2010 So we've had Haiti and Chile. Anyone else think God's aiming at the USA and keeps missing? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stebuzz Posted March 2, 2010 Author Share Posted March 2, 2010 More casual sterotype/racism now... Murphy says to Paddy one day "This jigsaw's too fecking hard, where do I start? It's supposed to be a tiger" Paddy replies "Put the fecking Frosties back in the box Murph, you thick bastard!" there was controversy on the last day of the winter olympics when following the death of a competitor on the 1st day, the irish bobsleigh team refused to go down unless it was gritted. they were disqualified. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boboafc Posted March 2, 2010 Share Posted March 2, 2010 there was controversy on the last day of the winter olympics when following the death of a competitor on the 1st day, the irish bobsleigh team refused to go down unless it was gritted. they were disqualified. :laught16: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boboafc Posted March 3, 2010 Share Posted March 3, 2010 The Loving Husband A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150." The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home. The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150?" The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steveoafc Posted March 3, 2010 Share Posted March 3, 2010 The Loving Husband A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150." The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home. The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150?" The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dave_ragg1984 Posted March 3, 2010 Share Posted March 3, 2010 Marriage counselour says to a couple "tell me some you both have in common?". Husband after a long awkward silence says "well neither of us suck c**k" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boboafc Posted March 6, 2010 Share Posted March 6, 2010 Three ladies were on a flight when suddenly the captain announced, "Please prepare for a crash landing!" The first lady put on all her jewelry. Surprised by this the other ladies questioned her actions. The first lady said, "Well when they come to rescue us they will see that I am rich and will rescue me first." The sec...ond lady not wanting to be left behind, began to take off her top and bra. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned "Well when they come to rescue us, they will see my great tits and will take me first." The third lady who was African, not wanting to be out done took off her pants and panties. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well they always search for the black box first?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steveoafc Posted March 21, 2010 Share Posted March 21, 2010 My uncle was a :censored: ventriliquist He kept putting his hand up my arse and telling me to say NOTHING!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bring Back Ronnie Moore Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 I met a woman last night who told me that she wanted sex "really badly". I said "Well I'm definitely your man, I'm f***ing terrible". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boboafc Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 Met this gorgeous Polish babe recently and thought she was fantastic at first. Things changed this week though and I have now ended the relationship as it was taking her over 5 hours to vacuum the lounge carpet. Turns out she was a Slovak.......... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leeslover Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 Met this gorgeous Polish babe recently and thought she was fantastic at first. Things changed this week though and I have now ended the relationship as it was taking her over 5 hours to vacuum the lounge carpet. Turns out she was a Slovak.......... If she was a nice girl you should have stuck it out for a while Bob and seen what she was like as a person. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steveoafc Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 Hubby gets ' I love you' tattooed on his knob and goes home to show his missus. She says ' There you go again....trying to put words in my mouth! ' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garcon Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 "Fire kills 24 as they jump to their death" I think the pavement is the real killer here. I broke up with my girlfriend today, she asked me if its really over. I told her it couldn't be more over if she started singing. I've just seen on a cigarette packet 'Smoking can harm others around you'. In Oldham I think they should put a warning like that on Stella. My Thai bride says I have a big cock. Sorry, I forgot my punctuation. My Thai bride says, "I have a big cock". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OldhamSheridan Posted March 27, 2010 Share Posted March 27, 2010 What have Tiger Woods, Ashley Cole, John Terry, Vernon Kay and Mark Owen all got in common? Wives who obviously need to make more of a f**king effort. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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