Zorrro Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 Well, no, because he's disabled. Durr. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sjk2008 Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 my jokes are sometimes :censored: , but never and often racist FIFY Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueJazzer Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 http://uk.wrs.yahoo.com/_ylt=A7x9QXki50JOnGQAEURLBQx.;_ylu=X3oDMTByNGxmazk4BHNlYwNzcgRwb3MDMQRjb2xvA2lyZAR2dGlkAw--/SIG=120jjq4eu/EXP=1313036194/**http%3a//www.youtube.com/watch%3fv=d6IBiR9m3vY Ha ha, quality! Can't wait to show Steve at work cos it's his favourite joke! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roger Ritchie Posted August 18, 2011 Share Posted August 18, 2011 my jokes are sometimes :censored: , but never racist , but i am sure someone will say that the paddy jokes are racist towards irish (i have irish blood , my gran was born in dublin ) I'm not racist I've got a colour TV Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boboafc Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 I buy a ipad and Steve Jobs dies. I buy a Blackberry and Blackberry Messenger dies. I've just bought Alex Ferguson's autobiography, Fingers crossed.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jerseyblue Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 A penguin walks into a bar and says to the bartender 'Has my brother been in'. The bar tender replies 'I dunno, what does he look like?' ______________________________________ When I was younger my dad worked on the roadworks. I was convinced he was stealing from work, but couldn't prove it. But when I got home all the signs were there. ________________________________________ They say a woman's fanny is like a shed roof...if you don't nail it hard enough it will probably end up next door! _________________________________________ I was once obsessed with stealing meat. I was once going to Morrisons and saw the juiciest sirloins on the top shelf. I was going to nick them but the steaks were too high. ______________________________________ Irish historians have discovered what they believe to be the headstone from the worlds oldest man, he was a 193 and called Miles from Dublin. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boboafc Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 Paris St Germain are hopeful to land Carlos Tevez by offering him a lucrative deal and the chance to play a lot closer to his home, the Notre Dame Cathedral. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boboafc Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 I bumped into a man crying uncontrollably outside a department store in Liverpool yesterday, and all he could go on about was how he hates this time of year, dressing up in a ridiculous red outfit and embarrassing himself in front of thousands of people. I said, "Look, Mr.Gerrard, you chose to play for Liverpool." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jerseyblue Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 I went to the local brothel and asked for something kinky, I was shown into a room and then this tart stuffed a set of jump leads up my arse, it was good but I can't believe how much she charged me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steveoafc Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 Skinny little white Irishman goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little Irishman staring at him, he looks down and says: '7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pounds of testicles, Turner Brown.' The little white Irishman faints and falls to the floor. The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. The big guy says, 'What's wrong with you, little fellow?' In a weak voice the little guy says, 'What EXACTLY did you say to me?' The big dude says, 'I saw your curious look and I figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me.... I'm 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch penis, my testicles weigh 3 pounds each, and my name is Turner Brown.' The little white Irishman says: 'Turner Brown'? ....................... Sweet Jesus, I thought you said, "Turn around"! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevie_J Posted January 23, 2012 Share Posted January 23, 2012 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
razza699 Posted January 23, 2012 Share Posted January 23, 2012 hahahah fantastic !! I was ! Oh and I see Bobs jokes are as funny as ever Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boboafc Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. he slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joe_lead Posted March 1, 2012 Share Posted March 1, 2012 Wind turbines I'm a big fan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steveoafc Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 Man U's new strike force.......................Fatman and Robin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boboafc Posted October 14, 2012 Share Posted October 14, 2012 BREAKING NEWS: As he's now the greatest diver ever and performs superbly when there's no atmosphere, Liverpool have made a £47m bid for Felix Baumgartner. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Scratch2000uk Posted October 15, 2012 Share Posted October 15, 2012 Apparently the best way to make a cup of tea is to agitate the bag. So, every morning I slap the wife & say ''2 sugars, fat arse." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndyGortonsMatches Posted October 21, 2012 Share Posted October 21, 2012 Two elephants fall off a cliff...... boom, boom Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steveoafc Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 One year, i decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a christmas gift... The next year, i didn't buy her a gift. When she asked me why, i replied, '' Well, you still haven't used the gift i bought you last year! I visited the offices of the RSPCA today, it's tiny!, you couldn't swing a cat in there.... A mate of mine always wanted to be run over by a steam train. When it happened he was chuffed to bits! I've got a friend who has a butler whose left arm is missing ........serves him right. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Scratch2000uk Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steveoafc Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 These days there's celebrity everything! Celebrity come dine with me Celebrity who wants to be a millionaire etc I've just watched celebrity darts..........Jake the peg played Heather mills and won 3 legs to 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndyGortonsMatches Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 These days there's celebrity everything! Celebrity come dine with me Celebrity who wants to be a millionaire etc I've just watched celebrity darts..........Jake the peg played Heather mills and won 3 legs to 1 I had a game of darts with my mate recently. He said, "Nearest the bull goes first" He went "Baah" and I went "Moo" He said "You're closest" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peanuts Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 The DJs play a game where they award winners great prizes. The game is called 'Mate Match'. The DJs call someone at work and ask if they are married or seriously involved with someone. If the contestant answers'yes',he or she is then asked 3 random yet highly personal questions. The person is also asked to divulge the name of their partner with (phone number) for verification. If their partner answers those same three questions correctly, they both win the prize. One particular game, however, several months ago made the Harbour City drop to its knees with laughter and is possibly the funniest thing you've heard yet. Anyway, here's how it all went down: DJ: 'Hey! This is Ed on FOX-FM. Have you ever heard of 'Mate Match'?' Contestant: (laughing) 'Yes, I have.' DJ: 'Great! Then you know we're giving away a trip to the Gold Coast if you win. What is your name? First only please.' Contestant: 'Brian.' DJ: 'Brian, are you married or what?' Brian: (laughing nervously) 'Yes, I am married.' DJ: 'Thank you. Now, what is your wife's name? First only please.' Brian: 'Sara.' DJ: 'Is Sara at work, Brian?' Brian: 'She is gonna kill me.' DJ: 'Stay with me here, Brian! Is she at work?' Brian: (laughing) 'Yes, she's at work.' DJ: 'Okay, first question - when was the last time you had sex?' Brian: 'About 8 o'clock this morning.' DJ: 'Atta boy, Brian.' Brian: (laughing sheepishly) 'Well...' DJ: 'Question #2 - How long did it last?' Brian: 'About 10 minutes.' DJ: 'Wow! You really want that trip, huh? No one would ever have said that if a trip wasn't at stake.' Brian: 'Yeah, that trip sure would be nice.' DJ: 'Okay. Final question. Where did you have sex at 8 o'clock this morning? Brian: (laughing hard) 'I, ummm, I, well...' DJ: 'This sounds good, Brian. Where was it at?' Brian: 'Not that it was all that great, but her mum is staying with us for couple of weeks...' DJ: 'Uh huh...' Brian: '...and the Mother-In-Law was in the shower at the time.' DJ: 'Atta boy, Brian.' Brian: 'On the kitchen table.' DJ: 'Not that great?? That is more adventure than the previous hundred times I've done it. Okay folks, I will put Brian on hold, get his wife's work number and call her up. You listen to this.' [3 minutes of commercials follow. ] DJ: 'Okay audience; let's call Sarah, shall we?' (Touch tones.....ringing....) Clerk: 'Kinkos.' DJ: 'Hey, is Sarah around there somewhere?' Clerk: 'This is she.' DJ: 'Sarah, this is Ed with FOX-FM. We are live on the air right now and I've been talking with Brian for a couple of hours now.' Sarah: (laughing) 'A couple of hours?' DJ: 'Well, a while now. He is on the line with us. Brian knows not to give anyanswers away or you'll lose. Sooooooo... do you know the rules of 'Mate Match'?' Sarah: 'No.' DJ: 'Good!' Brian: (laughing) Sarah: (laughing) 'Brian, what the hell are you up to?' Brian: (laughing) 'Just answer his questions honestly, okay? Be completely honest.' DJ: 'Yeah yeah yeah. Sure. Now, I will ask you 3 questions, Sarah. If your answers match Brian's answers, then the both of you will be off to the Gold Coast for 5 days on us. Sarah: (laughing) 'Yes.' DJ: 'Alright. When did you last have sex, Sarah?' Sarah: 'Oh God, Brian....uh, this morning before Brian went to work.' DJ: 'What time?' Sarah: 'Around 8 this morning.' DJ: 'Very good. Next question. How long did it last?' Sarah: '12, 15 minutes maybe.' DJ: 'Hmmmm. That's close enough. I am sure she is trying to protect is manhood. We've got one last question, Sarah. You are one question away from a trip to the Gold Coast. Are you ready?' Sarah: (laughing) 'Yes.' DJ: 'Where did you have it?' Sarah: 'OH MY GOD, BRIAN!! You didn't tell them that did you?' Brian: 'Just tell him, honey.' DJ: 'What is bothering you so much, Sarah?' Sarah: 'Well...' DJ: Come on Sarah.....where did you have it? Sarah: 'Up the arse.....' They had to call an ambulance for the DJ he thought he was going to have a heart attack, he could not stop laughing. Apparently there was an unusually high call out of the Sydney Police just after this conversation, for minor traffic collisions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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