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As I lay drying - Millwall 30th April


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Doesn't sound like a proper friend to me. Get to the match.

 

More a friend of Mrs 24 to be fair. That's even worse though. If it was more one of my friends, they'd either know better or I'd be able to tell them to :censored: off.

 

What kind of selfish dickhead gets married during the football season? They don't deserve guests.

 

Here's another stinging detail. They're getting married at 11.30 in the morning. They live in Kennington, which is a stone's throw from Bermondsey. They're getting married in :censored:ing Devizes. They must really hate me.

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More a friend of Mrs 24 to be fair. That's even worse though. If it was more one of my friends, they'd either know better or I'd be able to tell them to :censored: off.

 

 

Here's another stinging detail. They're getting married at 11.30 in the morning. They live in Kennington, which is a stone's throw from Bermondsey. They're getting married in :censored:ing Devizes. They must really hate me.

Are you going to go to the wedding as Zorro? You'll need a fitted suit and a skinny tie

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Here's another stinging detail. They're getting married at 11.30 in the morning. They live in Kennington, which is a stone's throw from Bermondsey. They're getting married in :censored:ing Devizes. They must really hate me.

 

"Left to their own Devizes, they probably would..."

 

That's given me a Pet Shop Boys earworm.

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More a friend of Mrs 24 to be fair. That's even worse though. If it was more one of my friends, they'd either know better or I'd be able to tell them to :censored: off.

 

 

Here's another stinging detail. They're getting married at 11.30 in the morning. They live in Kennington, which is a stone's throw from Bermondsey. They're getting married in :censored:ing Devizes. They must really hate me.

A real friend takes the care to plan their wedding so it doesn't clash with the football season, the Euros or any big rugby league games. These people are not your friends. Sack them off.

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Colchester and Gillingham away. Doncaster at home.

 

Absolutely no more on the horizon. I'm working a compensatory swerve that might see me spend two consecutive weekends up north as part of a taxpayer-funded round trip to Strasbourg from London via Boundary Park and Gresty Road.

 

They're the kind of people who would be mortally and finally offended if you even dare to suggest that their wedding date has even slightly pissed you off.

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Can't you do something to ensure their knot-tying ceremony just does not happen on this date? Sabotage the venue, kidnap the vicar, find/fabricate evidence questioning their faith, have an affair with the bride, have an affair with the groom. Anything.

 

Disclaimer: your own marriage may be at risk if you actually do some of these.

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Can't you do something to ensure their knot-tying ceremony just does not happen on this date? Sabotage the venue, kidnap the vicar, find/fabricate evidence questioning their faith, have an affair with the bride, have an affair with the groom. Anything.

 

Disclaimer: your own marriage may be at risk if you actually do some of these.

Only the most extreme ruse such as faking my own death will be good enough...but then how do I show my face ever again?

 

Just writing that made me remember the time I ran away from home with £5 from the holiday 20p jar to watch Latics v West Brom in 1987. I was supposed to be representing Royton in a swimming gala that afternoon. Whether the hiding I got that evening was worth it is a moot point...it's a question of do I have the knackers of my 12-year-old self to do what I want and :censored: everyone else. I think we all know the answer to that.

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Only the most extreme ruse such as faking my own death will be good enough...but then how do I show my face ever again?

 

Just writing that made me remember the time I ran away from home with £5 from the holiday 20p jar to watch Latics v West Brom in 1987. I was supposed to be representing Royton in a swimming gala that afternoon. Whether the hiding I got that evening was worth it is a moot point...it's a question of do I have the knackers of my 12-year-old self to do what I want and :censored: everyone else. I think we all know the answer to that.

Do you fear Mrs T more than your 12 year old self feared Mr and Mrs Victoria Parents?

 

Yes, we all know. Time diminishes us all.

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Only the most extreme ruse such as faking my own death will be good enough...but then how do I show my face ever again?

 

Just writing that made me remember the time I ran away from home with £5 from the holiday 20p jar to watch Latics v West Brom in 1987. I was supposed to be representing Royton in a swimming gala that afternoon. Whether the hiding I got that evening was worth it is a moot point...it's a question of do I have the knackers of my 12-year-old self to do what I want and :censored: everyone else. I think we all know the answer to that.

Did we win that game 2-1?

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  • 1 month later...

Another thing that really pisses me off about this :censored:ing wedding...

 

...me and the men in tights at work have had this little payday boozing social event thing going on for the last however long. I always look forward to it because we bonded while smoking, all gave up at the same time and decided we quite liked the bantz...so established an exclusive drinking school.

 

When's payday? The 29th of :censored:ing April! While they're getting nicely sloshed at the Tiroler Hut, I'm on the :censored:ing M4 heading to :censored:ing Wiltshire. :censored:ing bollocks to it. Getting right on my titties so it is.

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Another thing that really pisses me off about this :censored:ing wedding...

 

...me and the men in tights at work have had this little payday boozing social event thing going on for the last however long. I always look forward to it because we bonded while smoking, all gave up at the same time and decided we quite liked the bantz...so established an exclusive drinking school.

 

When's payday? The 29th of :censored:ing April! While they're getting nicely sloshed at the Tiroler Hut, I'm on the :censored:ing M4 heading to :censored:ing Wiltshire. :censored:ing bollocks to it. Getting right on my titties so it is.

 

Have you considered the alternatives?

 

1. Pulling a sickie? - you of course will be sick after 'exclusive drinking school' followed by an OASIS trip to Bermondsey.

2. Elaborate and intricately disguised rouse, including many actors [friends] playing part(s) that find an excuse for you not to attend?

3. Sabotage. Puncture your own tyres, fill the rollerskate with Diesel?

4. Trial separation or filing for divorce?

Edited by lookersstandandy
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