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jerseyblue

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Posts posted by jerseyblue

    jokes

    in The Andy Gorton Taproom

    Posted

    I went to the local brothel and asked for something kinky, I was shown into a room and then this tart stuffed a set of jump leads up my arse, it was good but I can't believe how much she charged me.

    jokes

    in The Andy Gorton Taproom

    Posted

    A penguin walks into a bar and says to the bartender 'Has my brother been in'.

     

    The bar tender replies 'I dunno, what does he look like?'

     

    ______________________________________

     

    When I was younger my dad worked on the roadworks. I was convinced he was stealing from work, but couldn't prove it. But when I got home all the signs were there.

     

    ________________________________________

     

    They say a woman's fanny is like a shed roof...if you don't nail it hard enough it will probably end up next door!

     

    _________________________________________

     

    I was once obsessed with stealing meat. I was once going to Morrisons and saw the juiciest sirloins on the top shelf. I was going to nick them but the steaks were too high.

     

    ______________________________________

     

    Irish historians have discovered what they believe to be the headstone from the worlds oldest man, he was a 193 and called Miles from Dublin.

    Ooooohh Roger Palmer

    in The opinions4u Terraces - Latics Forum

    Posted

    Just spoke to Roger and he said the reason it was unanounced was due to the fact he wasn't defo going untill the Saturday morning for a couple of reasons! The club couldn't say for sure he would be there But he said he was overwelmed by the reaction and had a great day looked after very well and to thank everyone!

    Ooooohh Roger Palmer

    in The opinions4u Terraces - Latics Forum

    Posted

    Did Roger like it Though???? he did get one hell of a welcome, I almost felt embarrassed for him at one stage he didnt know what hit him :lol:

    I know yes ha ha He loved it though but he's really shy! Gavin took a video of it on his phone and pmsl when someone kissed his foot on the pitch!!

    he hates praise he gets embarresed!!!!

    2nd round draw?

    in The opinions4u Terraces - Latics Forum

    Posted

    1 Leyton Orient

    2 Havant & Waterlooville or Brentford

    3 Blyth Spartans

    4 Notts County

    5 Torquay United

    6 Oxford United or Dorchester Town

    7 Gillingham

    8 AFC Wimbledon or Wycombe Wanderers

    9 Millwall

    10 Carlisle United or Grays Athletic

    11 Team Bath or Forest Green Rovers

    12 Eastbourne Borough or Barrow

    13 AFC Hornchurch or Peterborough United

    14 Yeovil Town or Stockport County

    15 Leiston or Fleetwood Town

    16 Accrington Stanley or Tranmere Rovers

    17 Scunthorpe United

    18 AFC Bournemouth

    19 Brighton & Hove Albion or Hartlepool United

    20 Aldershot Town or Rotherham United

    21 Morecambe

    22 Port Vale

    23 Alfreton Town

    24 Kidderminster Harriers

    25 Leicester City

    26 Bradford City

    27 Darlington or Droylsden

    28 Chesterfield

    29 AFC Telford United or Southend United

    30 Curzon Ashton

    31 Histon

    32 Kettering Town or Lincoln City

    33 Barnet or Rochdale

    34 Hereford United or Dagenham & Redbridge

    35 Cheltenham Town or Oldham Athletic

    36 Luton Town or Altrincham

    37 Crewe Alexandra

    38 Eastwood Town

    39 Leeds United or Northampton Town

    40 Macclesfield Town

    Hope you cut and paste that !!!

    paddys leg

    in The Andy Gorton Taproom

    Posted

    Paddy and Murphy in London

     

    Two Irishmen were strolling down Oxford Street in London.

     

    Paddy turns to Murphy with a look of amazement on his face and says: "Murphy, will you look at that shop over there. I thought that London was supposed to be expensive but that shop is as cheap as chips!"

     

    Murphy says: "Paddy you're right so you are. Suits £10.00, Shirts £4.00, Trousers £5.00, I think that we should buy the lot and take them back to Ireland. We would make a tidy profit selling them in Dublin, so we would."

     

    Paddy says in agreement: "Murphy that is as good an idea as you'll ever have, but I'm pretty sure that you have to pay taxes and duty on things like that. The shopkeeper will never let us have them if he thinks we're gonna export them and make our fortune, so he won't."

     

    Murphy thinks and says: "Paddy, I've got an idea! You can do the best English accent out of the pair of us. You go in there and do the talking and I'll just stand behind you and say nothing. He'll never guess we're Irish. No he won't."

     

    "OK Murphy", agrees Paddy, "I'll do the talking, you just stand there and look English."

     

    So the two go into the shop, where Paddy is greeted politely by the owner. Paddy then proceeds to do his best Warren Mitchell impression; "Alwight Guvnor, I'll 'ave 20 of yer 'Whistle un Flutes', 20 'Dickie Dirts' and 20 pairs of strides. And if yer don't mind, I'll be paying with the 380 'Pictures of the Queen' in my 'Sky Rocket'."

     

    Upon hearing this request from Paddy, the owner smiles and says to Paddy, "You're Irish aren't you?"

     

    Quite bemused, Paddy replies, "Oh be Jesus. Mary mother of Christ, if that ain't me best English accent? How in God's name did you know that we were Irish?"

     

    The owner replied, "Because this is a Dry Cleaners!"

     

     

     

     

     

    Paddy and Murphy are walking around looking for work when Paddy sees a sign, "Tree fellers wanted". Paddy says to Murphy, its a pitty theres only two of us.

     

     

     

     

     

     

    paddy and murphy were sailing their boat in the sea.... they both realised there was water coming into the boat through a hole, paddy grabbed a saw and started sawing another hole... murphy asks paddy why he is sawing another hole ine the boat to which paddy replies 'well u see murphy, the water is gonna come in through this hole, and go out again through that hole'

    spurs jokes

    in The Andy Gorton Taproom

    Posted

    A tourist is in North London one Saturday and he decides he would very much like to go to a football match, so he asks a man in the street if there are any local matches being played that afternoon.

     

    "Well," replies the man, "the Arsenal ground is very close but they're playing away today. If you feel you really must see a match, the Tottenham ground is not that far away. You go straight down this road and you'll see two queues, a big queue and a small queue.

     

    You should go to the small queue because the big one is for the fish and chip shop.

     

     

    http://img410.imageshack.us/img410/1209/spurswindp1.jpg

    Spurs finally win a game

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