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paddys leg


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> > Paddy has broken his leg and his mate Mick goes round to see him.

> >

> > Mick says 'How you doin?'

> >

> > Paddy says 'Do us a favor, nip upstairs and get my slippers, me feet

> > are

> > freezing.'

> >

> > Mick goes upstairs and sees Paddy's two gorgeous 19-year-old twin

> > daughters

> > sitting on the bed.

> >

> > He says 'Your dad sent me up here to have sex with both of you ' .

> >

> > They say 'Get away with ya.. Prove it.'

> >

> > Mick shouts downstairs 'Paddy, both of em?'

> >

> > Paddy shouts back 'Of course both of em, what's the point of :censored:in'

> > one?'

> >

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Paddy and Murphy in London


Two Irishmen were strolling down Oxford Street in London.


Paddy turns to Murphy with a look of amazement on his face and says: "Murphy, will you look at that shop over there. I thought that London was supposed to be expensive but that shop is as cheap as chips!"


Murphy says: "Paddy you're right so you are. Suits £10.00, Shirts £4.00, Trousers £5.00, I think that we should buy the lot and take them back to Ireland. We would make a tidy profit selling them in Dublin, so we would."


Paddy says in agreement: "Murphy that is as good an idea as you'll ever have, but I'm pretty sure that you have to pay taxes and duty on things like that. The shopkeeper will never let us have them if he thinks we're gonna export them and make our fortune, so he won't."


Murphy thinks and says: "Paddy, I've got an idea! You can do the best English accent out of the pair of us. You go in there and do the talking and I'll just stand behind you and say nothing. He'll never guess we're Irish. No he won't."


"OK Murphy", agrees Paddy, "I'll do the talking, you just stand there and look English."


So the two go into the shop, where Paddy is greeted politely by the owner. Paddy then proceeds to do his best Warren Mitchell impression; "Alwight Guvnor, I'll 'ave 20 of yer 'Whistle un Flutes', 20 'Dickie Dirts' and 20 pairs of strides. And if yer don't mind, I'll be paying with the 380 'Pictures of the Queen' in my 'Sky Rocket'."


Upon hearing this request from Paddy, the owner smiles and says to Paddy, "You're Irish aren't you?"


Quite bemused, Paddy replies, "Oh be Jesus. Mary mother of Christ, if that ain't me best English accent? How in God's name did you know that we were Irish?"


The owner replied, "Because this is a Dry Cleaners!"






Paddy and Murphy are walking around looking for work when Paddy sees a sign, "Tree fellers wanted". Paddy says to Murphy, its a pitty theres only two of us.







paddy and murphy were sailing their boat in the sea.... they both realised there was water coming into the boat through a hole, paddy grabbed a saw and started sawing another hole... murphy asks paddy why he is sawing another hole ine the boat to which paddy replies 'well u see murphy, the water is gonna come in through this hole, and go out again through that hole'

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