Film summaries

[beag_teeets]

Saw this on another forum and thought some would enjoy, sorry for the length which is my new catchphrase.

 

* 25TH HOUR: White New Yorkers commit crimes against both law and ethics; feel bad for being caught, rather than for doing it at all.

* 300: Gays kill blacks.

* 8 MILE: White man successfully coopts black culture to impress other whites.

* A CIVIL ACTION: Underqualified lawyer doesn’t listen to clients, royally botches case.

* A CONFEDERACY OF DUNCES: Social deviants make life difficult for genius.

* A CRY IN THE DARK: Dogs eat baby, confusion follows.

* ALIEN: Ship fails to deliver cargo, crew don’t get bonus.

* ALIENS: An unplanned pregnancy leads to complications.

* AMADEUS: Man with health problems receives help from rival.

* AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON: Tourist causes riot.

* ATLAS SHRUGGED: Selfish industrialist destroys economy.

* AUNTIE MAME: Spinster exposes child to sexual fetishists, socialists; thwarts marriage to good Republican girl.

* BATMAN: Wealthy man assaults the mentally ill.

* BEAUTY AND THE BEAST: Peasant girl develops Stockholm Syndrome.

* BENJI: Family abandons beloved pet, forcing it to engage in a dangerous cross-country journey.

* BEOWULF: Colonists hire assassin to drive natives from land.

* BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA: Redneck trucker kills Chinese immigrants.

* BILLY ELLIOT: Union worker turns back on strikers for personal gain.

* BLADE: Obsessed loner stalks minority group.

* BLADE RUNNER: Man with no apparent skill stumbles into escaped robots, fails to kill most, :censored:s one.

* BLAKE’S 7: Terrorists fight government, die.

* BOOGIE NIGHTS: Deformed boy goaded into life of crime.

* BOTTLE ROCKET: Mentally unstable man fosters friend’s descent into mental instability, finds love.

* BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY’S: Pretty redneck girl fools socialites, flirts with gay gigolo.

* BREWSTER’S MILLIONS: Black man abuses line of credit.

* BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER: Teenage serial killer destroys town in fit of semi-religious fervor.

* CHANGE OF HABIT: Rock star regrets not looking closer at contract with movie studio.

* CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY: Deranged pedophile big-business industrialist tortures and mutilates young children.

* CHASING AMY: Homosexuality proved to be passing fancy and sign of sexual deviance.

* CHEERS: Alcoholic cuts lime in bar as penance for his womanizing ways.

* CHINATOWN: Father desires closer relationship with his children.

* CHRISTMAS VACATION: Incestuous relatives teach family the meaning of Christmas.

* CLERKS: Aimless loser remains in dead-end job, abusive “friendship.”

* CLOAK AND DAGGER: Spoiled teens discover drugs make them special.

* CONAN THE BARBARIAN: Petty thief murders religious leader.

* CORALINE: Misfit discovers she is special person in a secret world just beside our own.

* CRANK: Drug addict spends last day in orgy of rape and violence.

* CUJO: Family neglects to give family pet rabies shots, pays price.

* DAREDEVIL: Blind man pisses off crime boss, gets all his girl-friends killed.

* DARK KNIGHT RETURNS: Aging sadist corrupts, endangers minor, facilitates murder, destroys superhero comic books for 30 years.

* DEADWOOD: Pimp and rapist charms frontier town into eventual fire-based disaster.

* DEBBIE DOES DALLAS: Cheerleaders develop valuable entrepreneurial skills.

* DEEP THROAT: Medical anomaly earns woman new friends.

* DELIVERANCE: Tourists experience local hospitality.

* DEMOLITION MAN: In a future where crime is completely eradicated, a black man steals and murders.

* DIE HARD: Dysfunctional cop saves marriage by murdering foreign national.

* DIRTY HARRY: Police incompetence allows murderer to go free.

* DOCTOR FAUSTUS: Scholar leans nuances of contract law.

* DOCTOR WHO: Elderly man serially abducts young women.

* DONNIE DARKO: Hallucinating teen crushed by airplane engine.

* DRACULA: Immigrant clashes with locals.

* E.T.: Out-of-control pet causes mayhem, sadness.

* EVERY WHICH WAY BUT LOOSE: Part-time mechanic involves girlfriend in illegal fight club, risks life of best friend and endangered primate.

* FALLING DOWN: Life is difficult for white men.

* FANTASTIC FOUR: Scientist exposes friends, family to dangerous radiation to assuage ego, becomes embroiled in rivalry with former room-mate.

* FERRIS BUELLER’S DAY OFF: Amoral narcissist makes world dance for his amusement.

* FIELD OF DREAMS: Schizophrenic builds ball park, almost kills girl.

* FIGHT CLUB: Deranged sociopath guides yuppies to their deaths.

* FIREFLY: In an analogue of the post-Civil War west, a white man on the losing side bosses around a black woman.

* FRANKENSTEIN: Scientific advancement proves unpopular with general public.

* FREAKS: Acrobat learns value of community.

* SERENITY: Men fight for possession of scantily clad mentally ill teenage girl.

* GHOSTBUSTERS: Unemployed college professors destroy hotel with nuclear weapons.

* GLADIATOR: Convict murders head of state.

* GLENGARRY, GLENN ROSS: Sales job proves difficult for some.

* GONE WITH THE WIND: Rich, white slave owner enjoys getting raped, miscarries.

* GOOD WILL HUNTING: Underemployed genius squanders prestigious job opportunity to chase trim.

* GREEN ARROW: Rich white man with Robin Hood fetish goes vigilante.

* GREEN LANTERN: Policeman beats up his girlfriend.

* GREMLINS: Distant father ruins son’s life, puts entire town at risk.

* GROUNDHOG DAY: Misanthropic creep exploits space/time anomaly to stalk coworker.

* HACKERS: Cybercriminals on revenge kick destroy innumerable jobs.

* HAIR: Hippie dodges draft, dies ironically.

* HALLOWEEN: Babysitter’s relationship with murderer places children in danger.

* HARRY POTTER: Celebrity Jock thinks rules don’t apply to him, is right.

* HE GOT GAME: Escaped convict attempts to embezzle only son.

* HIGHLANDER: Elderly immigrant destroys property.

* IRON MAN: Alcoholic rich white man with technology fetish goes vigilante.

* WAR MACHINE: Alcoholic rich white man gives weapons to black man.

* IT: Children use horrific murders as excuse to run train on young girl.

* JFK: Family man wastes life for nothing in crusade against homosexuals.

* JUDGE DREDD: Fascist thug in bleak dystopia is cheered.

* JUNO: Teen fails to get abortion, ruins lives.

* JURASSIC PARK: Theme park’s grand opening pushed back.

* KARATE KID: Boy gains acceptance through violence.

* KILL BILL: Irresponsible mother wants custody of her child.

* KINDERGARTEN COP: Incompetent left in charge of children, who are eventually fired at by convicted felon.

* KING KONG: Endangered animal stolen, shot.

* KING OF KONG: Dick battles loser over trivia.

* LA CONFIDENTIAL: Rapist joins thug in foiling police corruption scheme.

* LABYRINTH: Girl is negligent baby-sitter.

* LARS AND THE REAL GIRL: Retarded man doesn’t know what sex toy is for.

* LASSIE COME HOME: Family abandons beloved pet, forcing it to engage in a dangerous cross-country journey.

* LOLITA: Man encourages step-daughter to take chances.

* LONE WOLF MCQUADE: Alcoholic assaults local businessman, ruins marriage.

* LORD OF THE RINGS: Midget destroys stolen property.

* LOVE ACTUALLY: Prime Minister risks war with United States over a sexy secretary.

* MARLEY AND ME: Out-of-control pet causes mayhem, sadness.

* METROPOLIS: Efficient society undone by unions.

* MICHAEL CLAYTON: Attorney works against client’s interests.

* MILK: Uppity queer dies.

* MIRRORMASK: Misfit discovers she is special person in secret world just beside our own.

* MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL: British comedy troupe inadvertently creates language lab for nerds.

* MULHOLLAND DRIVE: Lesbian relationship is harmful.

* MY GIRL: Boy killed by female friend’s irresponsibility.

* NEVERWHERE: Misfit discovers he is special person in secret world just beside our own.

* O BROTHER WHERE ART THOU: Southern musicians encounter massive flooding and government incompetence.

* OBSERVE AND REPORT: Emotionally disturbed man gets woman drunk, rapes her.

* OCEAN’S ELEVEN: Gang of career criminals commit act of terror to facilitate robbery and romance.

* OF MICE AND MEN: Migrant farmer murders mentally handicapped friend.

* ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO’S NEST: Disruptive mental patients treated.

* PILLOW TALK: Gay man tricks woman into sex.

* POLTERGEIST: Pot-head parents lose child, ruin property values.

* PREDATOR: American military-industrial complex ruins first contact with alien life.

* PRETTY BABY: Young woman’s modeling career encouraged.

* PRIDE AND PREJUDICE: Woman with gold-digging mother nags wealthy man into marriage.

* PYGMALION: Urchin cured by social betters.

* RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK: American yahoo murders soldiers and desecrates religious artifacts for money.

* RAISING ARIZONA: Convicted felon seduces police officer in kidnapping plot.

* RAMBO III: The United States provides arms, equipment and training to the terrorists behind 9/11.

* RATATOUILLE: Vermin infest restaurant until it is forced to close doors.

* RAVENOUS: Coward is seduced by cannibal, destroys army outpost.

* RED DAWN: Despite shock-and-awe tactics, a superior occupying force is no match for a tenacious sect of terrorist insurgents.

* RISKY BUSINESS: Privileged rich kid gets everything he wants with no consequences.

* ROAD HOUSE: Bouncer becomes vigilante, murders local businessman with karate.

* ROBIN HOOD: Disgruntled veteran protests taxes.

* ROBOCOP: Female officer’s incompetence leads partner to be murdered and enslaved by corporation.

* ROCKY: White man beats black man.

* ROSEMARY’S BABY: An unplanned pregnancy leads to complications.

* RUDY: Diminutive athlete patronized.

* RUSHMORE: Teen molests teacher, is expelled. Finds love.

* SCARFACE: Immigrant finds running his own business stressful, dangerous.

* SCHINDLER’S LIST: Wealthy industrialist expands not-for-profit ventures.

* SCOTT PILGRIM: Emotionally immature musician sleeps with high-school girl.

* SE7EN: Homicide detectives unable to prevent even a single murder by admitted serial killer, killer gives cop head.

* SHORT CIRCUIT: Rogue scientist steals top-secret government weapon.

* SIGNS: Jesus trumps science.

* SILENCE OF THE LAMBS: Incompetent manipulated by several murderers, stumbles upon suspect completely by accident. Creates situation that allows serial killer to escape.

* SLEEPY HOLLOW: Veteran harassed.

* SMOKEY AND THE BANDIT: Redneck bootlegger makes mockery of law, sanctity of marriage.

* SNOW WHITE AND THE SEVEN DWARFS: Layabout stepdaughter shacks up with seven miners.

* SOPHIE’S CHOICE: Mom loves one of her kids way more than the other one.

* SOUTHLAND TALES: Traumitized vet destroys universe.

* SPIDER-MAN: Nerd gets bitten by spider, complains about how this ruins his life for years to come.

* STARDUST: Misfit discovers he is special person in secret world just beside our own.

* STAR TREK: Over-sexed officer routinely places crew in danger.

* STAR TREK THE MOTION PICTURE: Meglomaniac can’t let go of past glory, drives successor to suicide.

* STAR TREK III: Military officers steal vessel and destroy it to eliminate a handful of enemies while engaged on an extremely vague rescue mission.

* STAR TREK IV: Interplanetary fugitives poach wildlife from a past age to cover up an act of genocide.

* STAR TREK VI: Racist military commander past his prime nearly ruins galactic peace.

* STAR WARS: A NEW HOPE: Religious extremist terrorists destroy government installation, killing thousands.

* STAR WARS: EMPIRE STRIKES BACK: Boy is abused by midget, kisses sister, attempts patricide.

* STAR WARS: RETURN OF THE JEDI: Handicapped mass murderer kills septugenarian, is lauded.

* STRAW DOGS: Immigrant clashes with locals.

* SUPERBAD: Boys plan date-rape, sleep together.

* SUPERMAN RETURNS: Illegal immigrant is deadbeat dad.

* SWEENEY TODD: Businesses flourish when freed from stringent regulation.

* TAXI DRIVER: Modern dating proves challenging for working class man.

* TERMINATOR: An unplanned pregnancy leads to complications.

* TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE: Tourists have difficulty with regional cuisine.

* THE CAT FROM OUTER SPACE: College professors help illegal alien evade authorities.

* THE CONVERSATION: Paranoid schizophrenic follows worst possible career path.

* THE CRYING GAME: Hairdresser bonds with client.

* THE EDGE: Men bond in Alaskan wilderness.

* THE EXORCIST: Jesus trumps science.

* THE FIRM: White lawyer learns hard work is irrelevant.

* THE GOLDEN COMPASS: Critique of Catholicism upstaged by polar bear fight.

* THE GOOD THE BAD AND THE UGLY: Nameless drifter kills American soldier over stolen money, hangs friend.

* THE GOONIES: Physically abused, retarded man finds love with overweight preteen.

* THE INCREDIBLE JOURNEY: Family abandons beloved pets, forcing them to engage in a dangerous cross-country journey.

* THE MATRIX: Hacker is given perfect justification for mass slaughter.

* THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS: Dangerous insurgent invades neighboring country.

* THE OFFICE: Incompetent boss routinely endangers employees, passes fire-worthy blame, sexually harasses subordinates; is seen as “hero” compared to people who just actually work.

* THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST: Mel Gibson fulfills fantasy of showing a Jew beaten to a bloody pulp and killed on-screen.

* THE PROFESSIONAL: Hired murderer sleeps with little girl.

* THE STEPFORD WIVES: Woman has difficulty adjusting to suburban life.

* THE TAKING OF PELHAM 1 2 3: Civil servant insults and shoots foreigners.

* THE THING: Unexpected visitor imposes on workers, their dogs.

* THE UNTOUCHABLES: Murderer indicted on technicality.

* THE WICKER MAN: Isolated religious community revitalized by newcomer.

* THE X-MEN: Minority group seeks overthrow of social order.

* THERE WILL BE BLOOD: Kidnapper commits murder several times.

* TITANIC: Crazy old widow disregards lifelong memories of husband, children, and grandchildren in favor of that one time she f*cked a bum.

* TOP GUN: Pilot routinely endangers Air Traffic Controllers.

* TORCHWOOD: Bisexual is inefficient manager.

* TRAINSPOTTING: Statutory rapist and junkie sifts through human waste, gets enormous sum of money.

* TRANSPORTER: Repressed homosexual kills employers.

* TWILIGHT: Girl gives up college for stalker.

* BREAKING DAWN: Native American guy is romantically obsessed with ex-girlfriend’s baby.

* TWIN PEAKS: FIRE WALK WITH ME: Father becomes more involved in teenage daughter’s life.

* V FOR VENDETTA: Dystopian government overthrown by faceless conformity.

* VERTIGO: Stalker drives woman to suicide.

* W.: Unspeakable disaster afflicts America. Then terrorists attack.

* WALL-E: Obsolete robot disrupts big business, disrupts lives of millions of innocent civilians.

* WAR OF THE WORLDS: Immigrants face difficulty acclimating.

* WATCHMEN: Homosexual destroys New York, blames God.

* WEEKEND AT BERNIES: Two employees take advantage of their boss’ hospitality.

* WONDER WOMAN: Princess from isolationist culture lectures Americans on equality.

* WORLD TRADE CENTER: Rag-tag group of underdogs succeed at a massive undertaking despite overwhelming odds, credit success with faith in God.

 

[BlueJazzer]

Ohhh let me play!

 

* TEETH : :censored:.