Nervous_Tic Posted December 12, 2008 Share Posted December 12, 2008 that snake joke was an ordeal!!!read the whole thing and then it wasnt even funny!! i enjoyed the story though so its ok. It took you a week to read the snake joke Anyway, see here for an explanation (scroll down about 3/4) http://longestjokeintheworld.com/ Seems that whether you read the joke in full has some relation to your performance with the opposite sex Who wants to admit skipping to the punchline now? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rosa Posted December 12, 2008 Share Posted December 12, 2008 It took you a week to read the snake joke Anyway, see here for an explanation (scroll down about 3/4) http://longestjokeintheworld.com/ Seems that whether you read the joke in full has some relation to your performance with the opposite sex Who wants to admit skipping to the punchline now? Is there another website telling you what it says about your personality if you give up 1/4 of the way through the explanation? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leeslover Posted December 12, 2008 Share Posted December 12, 2008 I finally scrolled down the Snake joke to see how far I had left to go, and figured I'd finish it another day. Fortunately I'm relatively sober for a Friday night so will not have to start again from scratch Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BJBlue Posted December 13, 2008 Share Posted December 13, 2008 Dads with little girl in garden asking questions on wildlife when she asks 'is that a mummy longlegs under daddy longlegs?' dad says 'no sweety there is no mummy longlegs' dad feels very proud of her inquisitive mind untill she stamps on them both and says 'we'll have none of that gay :censored: in my garden!' -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Two blokes are sat in a pub talking and one says to the other 'i was walking near the railway tracks the other day when i saw a girl tied up on them, so i went over and untied her. We ended up having sex for hours in every position imaginable! It was amazing!' His freind cant believe it and says 'did she give you a blow job as well??' 'No' he replies, ' I couldn't find her head'. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What's the difference between Madaline Mcann and Madaline Mcann jokes??? The jokes will get old. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boboafc Posted December 15, 2008 Share Posted December 15, 2008 question ...What's the difference between a Lada and a sheep? Answer... It's marginally less embarrasing getting out of the back of a sheep.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boboafc Posted December 15, 2008 Share Posted December 15, 2008 A bloke goes for the job of cook on a ship. The geezer who is interviewing asks “Can you fry eggs?”. “Can I fry eggs! I've worked in some of the top hotels in England“ replies the bloke... “Give me half a dozen”. So he's given six eggs which he starts to juggle with. After a minute of brilliant juggling, he throws the eggs one-by-one over his shoulder towards the frying pan which is behind him. Each egg hits the side of the pan, cracks open and the shell falls into the bin below and the eggs slide unbroken into the frying pan. “That's amazing” says the interviewer “but it must have been a fluke”. “A fluke! Give me a dozen“ says the bloke. He then proceeds to do even more elaborate juggling and repeat the finale so there's now eighteen unbroken eggs sizzling in the frying pan. “Well then do I get the job?” “No, you piss about too much!!” Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bring Back Ronnie Moore Posted December 15, 2008 Share Posted December 15, 2008 A man rushes into a Doctor's surgery and shouts to the male doctor; "You said my wife had a nice fanny!", the doctor replies...."Errr...no I said she had acute angina". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnny punkster Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 The old man placed an order for one hamburger, French fries and a drink. He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife. He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife. He took a sip of the drink; his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them. As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them were looking over and whispering. Obviously they were thinking, 'That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them.' As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table and politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said, they were just fine - they were used to sharing everything. People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink. Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them. This time the old woman said 'No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything.' Finally, as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked 'What is it you are waiting for?' She answered 'THE TEETH.' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Takemeanywhere Posted January 21, 2009 Share Posted January 21, 2009 Dear Sir Eighteen months ago I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from Drinking Mates 4.2 which I'd used for years without any trouble. However, there are apparently conflicts between these two products and the only solution was to try and run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off. To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is also incompatible with several other applications, such as Lads Night Out 3.1, Football 2 and Playboy 6.1. Successive versions of Girlfriend proved no better. A shareware beta-programme, Party Girl 2.1 that I tried, had many bugs and left a virus in my system, forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks. Eventually I tried to run Girlfriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the same time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each other they caused severe damage to my hardware. Sensing a way out, I then upgraded to Fiance 1.0 only to discover that this product soon had to be upgraded (at great cost) to Wife 1.0, which I reluctantly agreed to, because, whilst Wife 1.0 tends to use up all my available resources, it does come bundled with FreeSexPlus and CleanHouse2000. Shortly after this upgrade however I then discovered that Wife 1.0 can be very unstable and costly to run. For example, any mistakes I made were automatically stored in Wife 1.0's memory and could not be deleted. They then resurfaced months later when I had forgotten about them. Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary Explorer and E-mail Porn Filter, and can, without warning, launch Photostrop and Whingezip! These latter products have no Help files and I have to try and guess what the problem is myself. Additional costly problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly, requiring Shoe Shop Browser for new attachments and also Hairstyle Express, which needs to be reinstalled every other week. Wife 1.0 also spawns unwelcome child processes that drain my resources. It also conflicts with some of the new games I wanted to try, stating that they are an illegal operation. When Wife 1.0 attaches itself to my Audi TT program it often crashes or runs the system dry. Wife 1.0 also has a rather annoying pop-up called Mother-in-Law, which can't be turned off. Recently I've attempted to try Mistress 2000, but there could be problems. A friend has alerted me to the fact that if Wife 1.0 detects the presence of Mistress 2000 it could delete all my MS Money files before un-installing itself. Any ideas? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.