Monday morning pun

[leeslover]

A rabbit walks into a pub and says to the barman "Can I have a pint of

beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie"

 

The barman is amazed but gives the rabbit a pint of beer and a ham and

cheese toastie.

 

The rabbit drinks the beer and eats the toastie, he then leaves.

 

The following night the rabbit returns and again asks for a Pint of Beer

and a Ham and Cheese Toastie.

 

The barman, now intrigued by the rabbit and the extra drinkers in the pub

(because word gets round) gives the rabbit the pint and the toastie. The

rabbit consumes them and leaves.

 

The next night, the pub is packed, in walks the rabbit and says "A pint

of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman"

 

The crowd is hushed as the barman gives the rabbit his pint and toastie

and then burst into applause as the rabbit wolfs them down.

 

The next night there is standing room only in the pub, coaches have been

laid on for the crowds of patrons attending, the barman is making more

money in one week than he did all last year.

 

In walks the rabbit and says, "A Pint of Beer and a Ham and Cheese

Toastie, please barman", smiling and accepting the tributes of the

masses.

 

The barman says, "I'm sorry rabbit, old mate, old mucker but we are right

out of them Ham and Cheese Toasties"

 

The rabbit looks aghast, the crowd has quietened to almost a whisper,

when the barman clears his throat nervously and says, "We do have a very

nice Cheese and Onion Toastie"

 

The rabbit looks him in the eye and says, "Are you sure I will like it"?

The masses bated breath is ear shatteringly silent.

 

The barman, with a roguish smile says, "Do you think that I would let

down one of my best friends, I know you'll love it"

 

"Ok" says the rabbit," I'll have a Pint of Beer and a Cheese and Onion

Toastie"

 

The pub erupts with glee as the rabbit quaffs the beer and guzzles the

toastie, he then waves to the crowd and leaves.

 

NEVER TO RETURN!!!!!!

 

One year later in the now impoverished public house, the barman (who has

only served 4 drinks tonight, 3 of which were his) calls time.

 

When he is cleaning down the now empty bar, he sees a small white form,

floating above the bar. The barman says, "Who are you"

 

To which he is answered,"I am the ghost of the rabbit that used to

frequent your public house"

 

The barman says,"I remember you, you made me famous, you would come in

every night and have a Pint of Beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, masses

came to see you and this place was famous"

 

The rabbit says, "Yes I know"

 

The barman said, "I remember, on your last night we didn't have any Ham

and Cheese Toasties, you had a Cheese and Onion one instead"

 

The rabbit said "Yes, you promised me that I would love it"

 

The barman said "You never came back, after that fateful night, what

happened"

 

"I DIED", said the Rabbit.

 

"Blimey " said the barman,"what from".

 

 

After a short pause.

 

 

The rabbit said... " Mixing me toasties "

 

 

 

 

[sjk2008]

As a young boy, Joe was completely obsessed with tractors. He had pictures of tractors all over his bedroom walls; he had tractor toys, tractor T-shirts, a tractor carpet, and duvet cover, the whole works. He ate, drank and slept tractors. On his 17th birthday he was thrilled to get an invitation to go to a tractor factory nearby and test-drive a brand new tractor.

 

His excitement was incredible as he told his family and friends. The great day came and he went to the factory for the test-drive. Unfortunately something went terribly wrong with the tractor when Joe was driving it and it flipped over, trapping and breaking Joe's leg and fracturing his skull.

 

He was so upset and tried to sue the tractor company for negligence. But the company would have none of it and told there was no liability and He could get lost!

 

You can imagine he was very annoyed with tractors after this and vowed to shed them from his life completely and forever.

 

All the posters came down, the toys were given away - tractors were GONE.

 

Many years later, Joe went into a bar for a drink. Inside, the cigarette and cigar smoke was terrible but through it he saw a beautiful girl seated at the bar on her own. Tears were streaming down her face.

 

Joe asked her what was wrong and she said that the smoke was making her eyes sting and stream with tears.

 

With that, Joe looked around and then took a huge breath, sucking in all the smoke. He then walked outside into the car park and blew all the smoke out again. He goes back into the bar where the air is now clear and sweet and sits down next to the girl.

 

"That was amazing!" she said, "How did you do that?"

 

"No problem", said Joe

 

"I'm an ex-tractor fan"

 

 

[sjk2008]

A lorry driver was driving along. A sign comes up that reads "low bridge ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The policeman gets out of his car and walks around to the lorry driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck?" The lorry driver says with a touch of sarcasm, "No mate, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."

 

[razza699]

LL my eyes feel cheated

[boboafc]

A rabbit walks into a pub and says to the barman "Can I have a pint of

beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie"

 

The barman is amazed but gives the rabbit a pint of beer and a ham and

cheese toastie.

 

The rabbit drinks the beer and eats the toastie, he then leaves.

 

The following night the rabbit returns and again asks for a Pint of Beer

and a Ham and Cheese Toastie.

 

The barman, now intrigued by the rabbit and the extra drinkers in the pub

(because word gets round) gives the rabbit the pint and the toastie. The

rabbit consumes them and leaves.

 

The next night, the pub is packed, in walks the rabbit and says "A pint

of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman"

 

The crowd is hushed as the barman gives the rabbit his pint and toastie

and then burst into applause as the rabbit wolfs them down.

 

The next night there is standing room only in the pub, coaches have been

laid on for the crowds of patrons attending, the barman is making more

money in one week than he did all last year.

 

In walks the rabbit and says, "A Pint of Beer and a Ham and Cheese

Toastie, please barman", smiling and accepting the tributes of the

masses.

 

The barman says, "I'm sorry rabbit, old mate, old mucker but we are right

out of them Ham and Cheese Toasties"

 

The rabbit looks aghast, the crowd has quietened to almost a whisper,

when the barman clears his throat nervously and says, "We do have a very

nice Cheese and Onion Toastie"

 

The rabbit looks him in the eye and says, "Are you sure I will like it"?

The masses bated breath is ear shatteringly silent.

 

The barman, with a roguish smile says, "Do you think that I would let

down one of my best friends, I know you'll love it"

 

"Ok" says the rabbit," I'll have a Pint of Beer and a Cheese and Onion

Toastie"

 

The pub erupts with glee as the rabbit quaffs the beer and guzzles the

toastie, he then waves to the crowd and leaves.

 

NEVER TO RETURN!!!!!!

 

One year later in the now impoverished public house, the barman (who has

only served 4 drinks tonight, 3 of which were his) calls time.

 

When he is cleaning down the now empty bar, he sees a small white form,

floating above the bar. The barman says, "Who are you"

 

To which he is answered,"I am the ghost of the rabbit that used to

frequent your public house"

 

The barman says,"I remember you, you made me famous, you would come in

every night and have a Pint of Beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, masses

came to see you and this place was famous"

 

The rabbit says, "Yes I know"

 

The barman said, "I remember, on your last night we didn't have any Ham

and Cheese Toasties, you had a Cheese and Onion one instead"

 

The rabbit said "Yes, you promised me that I would love it"

 

The barman said "You never came back, after that fateful night, what

happened"

 

"I DIED", said the Rabbit.

 

"Blimey " said the barman,"what from".

 

 

After a short pause.

 

 

The rabbit said... " Mixing me toasties "

 

 

 

 

CLASSIC