24hoursfromtulsehill

Oooh! Hark at her! FYI: the word you were looking for was envious (not jealous), which is in any case not true, my love. Most of us are quite happy about Manure's Disneyfication. How about you?

My girlfriend said I couldn't play.

Hang on a minute! What about the second leg? It's only half-time, sunshine. You've got to come down here yet.

I honestly thought we'd be absolutely unstoppable going forward with those players, but we've only got two in three games. Anyone know what's going wrong?

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Yeah. Oozing confidence, you are. It's practically jumping off the page, your confidence. "Ooh! What's happening? What are they doing? Ooh! Ooh!" Don't worry, son. Some of it will come out in the wash. PS: It's only a game.

What's that foul smell, then?

You'll just have to wait and see, won't you.

I just got some interesting OASIS team news*. Apparently, in the interests of fair play, we're going to give you northern monkeys a five-man start. *Not confirmed.

Actually, it says more about the managers than it does about those players. How come "Michael Owen" is an automatic pick? Because the managers have lacked balls and imagination. It seems as if even if Pele were the alternative, little Mickey would still be the first on the team sheet. Even all the so-called commentators refer to him simply as "Michael" (he's so good we only use his first name now). He'll still be in the England team if Allardyce sells him to Accrington Stanley. When will "McLaren" catch on that whatever the problem is, "Owen" ain't the solution?

It went downhill from there.

My feeling is that "OWTB" will concede when they get thrashed on Saturday. If they're stupid enough to carry on, I'll be in the team to welcome each and every one of them to London come November.

Away goals count double after normal time in the second leg. After that it's a penalty shoot-out. Agreed?

Picture the scene. LL running up the dark M1, carrying a suitcase rather than one of those pansy rucksack thingies, stopping at iffy looking tressel tables staffed by ladeez to pick up sponges soaked with fine red wine before squeezing them into his mouth. They'll be themselves in Oldham right now. Absolutely themselves. I can smell their fear.

Is this another one of those "TV is fake" scandals? Why only 7 out of 8?

It must be a bummer having to go back to your house after work before your 250 mile yomp north.

You must ensure that for every pint you bleed, they bleed two. BTW - has anyone set up a text messaging service for those of us who can't be there? Is LaticsWorld broadcasting commentary? Will big Gordon know any of the players' names?

Anyone know why Nelson FC and nowhere else (?) has that information?

I just got your joke even though a read it yesterday morning. When I first read it, I thought you'd completely lost it, but I was wrong. It's still not funny.

What work would that be then? I, too, would love to be as rubbish as Michael Owen, but my point is that others are a better pick than him because he hasn't played. He's not in the Fat Ronaldo class of player whom you would pick even if they were fat or injured or dead. What does it say to potential England strikers if "McLaren" prefers to pick a serial crock who hasn't done the business for ages rather than you, even if you're the top English scorer in the Premiership? By picking "Owen", "McLaren" is undermining the confidence of others and ruining any possibility of breeding any kind of competetive culture regarding selection for the national side. His philosophy seems to be that if you did it 10 years ago, you will always be able to do it.

Conceived on April 1!

Thai Latic wins. Conceived ON THE VERY DAY. You can still join the club though.

Does anyone else think that "Michael Owen" is rubbish? Does he have to play for England again, or will basically anyone else do?

I have no idea what you're talking about.

We should form a club. Only those conceived following a 5-0 or better Blues win can join. We could call ourselves the OAFC Five-up Conception Kids.