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Sky Sports News understand that the Oldham Athletic Football Club Board has been deeply saddened this week by the mocking comments with respect to the competency of individuals and professionalism within the organisation. Recovery of the clubs brand and image will therefore be the main focus over the coming weeks.


In the first step to bring back both respect and higher footfall to the SportsDirect.co.uk.com.zerohourscontract Arena Park, which like every other stadium in the country has more than two sides, the visionary Athletic Board are going to the next level in Half-Time Entertainment.


A source close to the club has told us that no longer will there be a need to go to Florida for an entertaining family holiday, an experiences of the Americas playground is coming to Oldham.


As we speak I can confirm that four Killer Whales are on route from SeaWorld Orlando to provide half-time entertainment in tomorrows match against Doncaster Rovers.


We have been told that a couple of Board members were initially sceptical at the logistics of holding the event in such a small window however the main protagonist highlighted that he had the necessary experience to control the event himself having owned a King Charles Spaniel, several goldfish and watched the Blue Planet twice. He reassured the Board that no water was required on the pitch as Orcas could hold their breath for 20minutes. He had done all the necessary research stressing that unfortunately they are too big to use the players tunnel so would need to be lifted from a tank located in the car park in using redundant cranes from the New Stand construction site.


Once lifted onto the pitch these highly trained animals will entertain the crowds with their ball skills and jumping through hoops, what could possibly go wrong. The Board unilaterally agreed that it was a simple idea, and collectively could not understand why it hadnt been done before.


A formal statement will be issued by the club later subject to there being someone available able to operate the copier.

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