PhilStarbucksSilkySkills

Seriously!!! Shouldn't one of the key skills required to be a member of the BBC commentary team be that you can actually speak recognisable English?

The Muslim faith pulled off a massive coup yesterday by signing Jesus Christ from its bitter rival Christianity. The transfer sees the Christians’ pin-up boy end his long association with the Rome outfit and switch to Islam on a Bosman. ‘We’d been looking to strengthen the squad for a while, and this’ll really increase the competition for places,’ said Islam’s manager Allah today. ‘Fair play to him, Jesus has got a lovely touch, especially with the sick and the poor, and I think the lad’s shown that he’s prepared to put the team first. Some say his best years are behind him, but I reckon he’s due a return to form before he hangs up his sandals, and at the end of the day it’ll just be great to have a player of his calibre in and around the dressing room.’ Jesus was scouted by many of the big faiths in his early days, but it was playing for the Christians in the early seasons of the first millennium that he really made a name for himself with some dazzling on-field miracles. ‘He played that floating role on waterlogged pitches better than anyone,‘ said one fan. ’Mind you, he wasn’t very strong in the tackle, always preferring to turn the other cheek, but he was pretty handy as a physio. Broken legs, leprosy, you name it – he soon had the lads back on their feet with nothing more than a dab of the magic sponge.’ Jesus was today looking forward to a new dawn in his career. ‘Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had a great time turning out every Sunday for Christianity, but the time’s now right to move out of my comfort zone and try something new.‘ But despite the excitement, some Muslim fans wonder whether his body is still up to the demands of the modern game. ‘It’s the fixture list that’s the worry. I remember they rushed him back for a cameo just three days after he picked up a knock in the Good Friday clash. That ruled him out for a while God ‘gutted’ after Jesus signs for Islam on a free contract

The world has been placed on a heightened security alert following reports that New Age terrorists have harnessed the power of homeopathy for evil. ‘Homeopathic weapons represent a major threat to world peace,’ said President Barack Obama, ‘they might not cause any actual damage but the placebo effect could be quite devastating.’ The H2O-bomb has been developed by the radical New Age group, The Axis of Aquarius. In a taped message to the world, their leader, Professor Hubert Pennington, said: ‘For too long the New Age movement has been dismissed as a bunch of beardy weirdy cranks and charlatans. But now we have weapons-grade homeopathy and we demand to be taken seriously.’ Homeopathic bombs are comprised of 99.9% water but contain the merest trace element of explosive. The solution is then repeatedly diluted so as to leave only the memory of the explosive in the water molecules. According to the laws of homeopathy, the more that the water is diluted, the more powerful the bomb becomes. ‘It was only a matter of time before these people got hold of the material that they needed to make these bombs,’ said former UN weapons inspector, Hans Blix, ‘The world is a much more dangerous place with the advent of these Weapons of Mass Dilution.’ ‘A homeopathic attack could bring entire cities to a standstill,’ said BBC Security Correspondent, Frank Gardner, ‘Large numbers of people could easily become convinced that they have been killed and hospitals would be unable to cope with the massive influx of the ‘walking suggestible’.’ The severity of the situation has already resulted in the New Age terror threat level being raised from ‘lilac’ to the more worrisome ‘purple’ aura. Meanwhile, new security measures at airports require that all water bottles be scanned to ensure that they are not being used to smuggle the memory of an explosion on board a plane. ‘Homeopathic weapons are the ultimate Smart Bombs,’ warned President Obama, ‘They are so smart that they only affect the gullible. The only defence is for everyone to remain calm, vigilant and to always wear a magic vibrating crystal.’ http://www.newsbiscuit.com/2010/04/20/new-...meopathic-bomb/

Warnock in, Baines out according to SSN

SSN is saying that Walcott is out. I'd be very disappointed if this is true.

You say that, but Walcott was the only player who impressed me in the first half against Japan. Very few people would argue that Lennon and Walcott don't belong ahead of SWP in the pecking order. And for me Walcott plays everytime. Not least because I think he will continue to improve as he gains experience, but at present he is fearless, he works hard and defenders hate playing against him. If we have a good run at the world cup, I expect him (and Rooney) to be at the heart of it. SWP is just unlucky that there ar two pacey Right Wingers who have the edge over him, and they are both fit. If one of them was left footed, they might all be going.

Green Hart James A Cole Ferdinand Terry G Johnson Baines King Carragher Dawson Warnock Upson Gerrard Barry Lampard Lennon Walcott Milner Parker (my choice - Capello won't take him though) A Johnson J Cole Carrick Huddlestone Wright-Phillips Rooney Crouch Heskey Defoe Bent

It was an omission rather than an error

Keep this under your hat, but my Auntie has a personal friend who is cleaning the pipes of a guy who's butcher sells tbone steaks to a former olympic gymnast for her dog who is best friends with the Boundary Park groundsman's cat. And she said that an Arabic Billionaire named Sheik Myass I. Hammad is lining up a bid for a 50% share in Latics.

Please can someone tell me how to embedd a video in a post? It doesn't seem to work for me.

Well, as an one of the un-converted and being a skeptical atheist, preaching to me is obviously inaffective. If you have examples, evidence or logical argument then that's another matter. I always welcome those.

Oh my!! The bookies are really tight f___ers!! Does someone fancy adding up what each of those books comes to? At least 50% over I'd guess.

I vaguely remember Rob Lee. Didn't he spit his dummy out, much like Dean Windyass? Which season was that?

I don't even have Sky. I watch after they air in the US. It ends with Jack waking up and finding out he has dreamt his entire CTU experience. In fact it seems that Chloe is his wife, Nina Myers and Dana Walsh are his bratty little sisters and Charles Logan is the IRS inspector. With the film I think they plan to cram the first 23 hours into 1 hour and then do the final hour in real time.

Discuss p.s. My nomination should be obvious

I've never bothered with Lost, but I'm a big 24 fan. Just watched the last ever episode of 24 with my gf the other day. I was all teary at the end. Roll on the movies.

I am chilled out. I ain't the one lauching the personal attacks. When you stop making arguments and start throwing insults around, things tend to get war like. It's not even as if my initial point was all that controversial. It only required discussion.

you garcon. I get on very well with my mother. Unlike you, she's not a judgemental prick.

Why, because I work for myself?

My argument is based on the fact that religion is divisive. Human history and present is littered with examples. This is hardly based on mere feeling. I have never seen a poll that give the total christian as more than 3/4 of the populous. I have seen plenty polls with fewer numbers. I guess it depends how the question is asked. But not even the USA can boast 96%. That figure is pure fairytale. No, my 'feeling' is based on actual statistics. It would also be based on real world experience. If were to estimate the figure of the amount of people I have known in my life to be 50% Christian I would be being generous. And this coming from someone who grew up in the church and still has close ties.

My extreme and irrational viewpoint is that having a 'club chaplain' (and therefore advocating a religion) would be devisive to some. me!! I'm Adolf Hitler! Whatever dude. I wonder if you're this much of a prick in person. I doubt you'd have the balls to say this kind of crap to my face. Not unless I have a squatter I don't know about. I doubt it though, I only have a two bedroom house. There is however a vicar on my road that I sometimes talk to, and of course my mother is also a reverend.

grow up!

See what I mean people, this is what I have to put up with. I'm a bigot again, and a dickhead. FYI garcon, I don't care if you take it or leave it. I don't care if you agree with me. I am merely raising a point for discussion. Is that so difficult to understand?

Asserting that I am irrational is not an argument, and does not make it so. I have only tried to communicate with you on a logical level. No, obviously it is not just your view that I am irrational. I've already mentioned that you are one of two members of OWTB that feel the need to attack me personally at every turn and make unfounded judgements of my character. I really wish you would both grow up. Disagreeing with me is one thing. Turning it into a slanging match is quite another.

I didn't say I was sure of anything. I was raising a point for discussion. Take it or leave it. I don't care. I don't need to give examples. Common sense dictates that affilating an organisation with a specific religion is going to put some people off. It doesn't really bother me though. I just find it silly. And there is no way that 96% of the UK is Christian. But even if that was true, it would not invalidate my point.