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Worst Jokes Ever


carrabanana
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Q - What's got 8 legs and one eye?

A - 2 chairs and half a pigs head

 

That actually made me laugh... :blush:

 

 

Baby penguin walks into a bar and says, "Have you seen my Dad?"

Barman says, "Dunno, what's he look like?"

 

Patient: "Doctor, I've got a boil on me arse that looks like a strawberry."

Doctor: "I've got some cream for that."

 

"Waiter, this chicken's cold!"

"I'm not surprised, it's been dead two weeks."

 

What's big, square and white and swings through the jungle?

Tarzan the fridge.

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* How do you know policemen are strong?

* Because they can hold up traffic.

 

 

* Why were the suspenders arrested?

* For holding up a pair of pants.

 

 

Two fish were in a tank. One said to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

 

* What weapon is most feared by knights?

* A can opener.

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What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?

A: Cliff

 

What do you call a man with a spade on his head?

A: Doug

 

What do you call a man without a spade on his head?

A: Douglas

 

What did Saint Patrick say as he was driving the snakes out of Ireland?

A: You alright in the back there lads?

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What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?

A stick.

 

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.

 

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?

A nervous wreck.

 

Where do you find a dog with no legs?

Right where you left him.

 

Why do gorillas have big nostrils?

Because they have big fingers.

 

What do fish say when they hit a concrete wall?

Dam!

 

Why don't blind people like to sky dive?

Because it scares the hell out of the dog.

 

 

:grin:

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Two sausages in a pan. One says to the other "Cor, it's a bit hot in here isn't it?"

...The other says "Aaagh! A talking sausage!"

 

 

 

Two cows in a field. One says "Moo!"

The other says "I was about to say that"

 

 

 

A woodworm goes into a bar, and finds the bar tender.

 

 

 

Did you hear about the magic tractor?

It went down the road, and turned into a field!

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Little lad answers the door and runs into the house shouting "dad,dad there's a man at the door with a bill"

Dad says,don't be stupid son it's probably a duck with a hat on.

 

 

White horse goes in to a pub,barman says 'ere we've got a drink named after you.Horse replies wot,Eric?

 

 

What's blue and square,a red triangle in disguise.

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