carrabanana Posted September 25, 2007 Share Posted September 25, 2007 What's the worst jokes you've ever heard? My top 2 (courtesy of my father) would be: 1) Q - What's got 8 legs and one eye? A - 2 chairs and half a pigs head 2) Knock knock Who's there? Stan Stan who? Bert Lancaster Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
footy68 Posted September 25, 2007 Share Posted September 25, 2007 What's the difference between a chicken? One of it's legs is both the same. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carrabanana Posted September 25, 2007 Author Share Posted September 25, 2007 What's the difference between a chicken? One of it's legs is both the same. Eh? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue_Guru Posted September 25, 2007 Share Posted September 25, 2007 Q: Whats brown and green and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you? A: A snooker table Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garcon Posted September 25, 2007 Share Posted September 25, 2007 Q - What's got 8 legs and one eye? A - 2 chairs and half a pigs head That actually made me laugh... Baby penguin walks into a bar and says, "Have you seen my Dad?" Barman says, "Dunno, what's he look like?" Patient: "Doctor, I've got a boil on me arse that looks like a strawberry." Doctor: "I've got some cream for that." "Waiter, this chicken's cold!" "I'm not surprised, it's been dead two weeks." What's big, square and white and swings through the jungle? Tarzan the fridge. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt Posted September 25, 2007 Share Posted September 25, 2007 There are two goldfish in a tank. One goldfish addresses the other: "D'you know how to drive this?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garcon Posted September 25, 2007 Share Posted September 25, 2007 A fish swims into a concrete wall and says, "Dam!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue_Guru Posted September 25, 2007 Share Posted September 25, 2007 There are two goldfish in a tank. One goldfish addresses the other: "D'you know how to drive this?" This made me laugh...took me two times to read it mind... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
footy68 Posted September 25, 2007 Share Posted September 25, 2007 Eh? Exactly! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt Posted September 25, 2007 Share Posted September 25, 2007 Q: How do you know an elephant has been in your fridge? A: Footprints in the butter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carrabanana Posted September 25, 2007 Author Share Posted September 25, 2007 Q: Whats brown and green and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you? A: A snooker table That one made me laugh Q: How do you know an elephant has been in your fridge? A: Footprints in the butter. But that one's just terrible! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt Posted September 25, 2007 Share Posted September 25, 2007 Two parrots were sitting on a perch. One comments to the other: "It smells fishy around here." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt Posted September 25, 2007 Share Posted September 25, 2007 Q: How do you kill a circus? A: Go for the juggler. I'm here all week Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wardlelatic Posted September 25, 2007 Share Posted September 25, 2007 * How do you know policemen are strong? * Because they can hold up traffic. * Why were the suspenders arrested? * For holding up a pair of pants. Two fish were in a tank. One said to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?" * What weapon is most feared by knights? * A can opener. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt Posted September 25, 2007 Share Posted September 25, 2007 The fish and the tank thing? It's been done... You're going to have to think up some stinkers to beat this lot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oafc_ok Posted September 25, 2007 Share Posted September 25, 2007 What do you call a man with a seagull on his head? A: Cliff What do you call a man with a spade on his head? A: Doug What do you call a man without a spade on his head? A: Douglas What did Saint Patrick say as he was driving the snakes out of Ireland? A: You alright in the back there lads? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wardlelatic Posted September 25, 2007 Share Posted September 25, 2007 What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck. Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left him. Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Because they have big fingers. What do fish say when they hit a concrete wall? Dam! Why don't blind people like to sky dive? Because it scares the hell out of the dog. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt Posted September 25, 2007 Share Posted September 25, 2007 What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick. Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
24hoursfromtulsehill Posted September 25, 2007 Share Posted September 25, 2007 There are two goldfish in a tank. One goldfish addresses the other: "D'you know how to drive this?" Two parrots on a perch. One says to the other: "Can you smell fish?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carrabanana Posted September 25, 2007 Author Share Posted September 25, 2007 People really should read the topic first. Summat like 50 million jokes have already been repeated Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
24hoursfromtulsehill Posted September 25, 2007 Share Posted September 25, 2007 (edited) People really should read the topic first. Summat like 50 million jokes have already been repeated Awwwwwwwwww. Sowwy. I couldn't wait. I thought that the joke was so original, so niche that no one else would know it. Edited September 25, 2007 by 24hoursfromtulsehill Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nervous_Tic Posted September 25, 2007 Share Posted September 25, 2007 Two sausages in a pan. One says to the other "Cor, it's a bit hot in here isn't it?" ...The other says "Aaagh! A talking sausage!" Two cows in a field. One says "Moo!" The other says "I was about to say that" A woodworm goes into a bar, and finds the bar tender. Did you hear about the magic tractor? It went down the road, and turned into a field! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt Posted September 25, 2007 Share Posted September 25, 2007 Very good Nervous, very good! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
inspectormorose Posted September 25, 2007 Share Posted September 25, 2007 Little lad answers the door and runs into the house shouting "dad,dad there's a man at the door with a bill" Dad says,don't be stupid son it's probably a duck with a hat on. White horse goes in to a pub,barman says 'ere we've got a drink named after you.Horse replies wot,Eric? What's blue and square,a red triangle in disguise. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddog Posted September 25, 2007 Share Posted September 25, 2007 What's brown and sticky? A stick. Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of Muesli? He got pulled under by a strong currant. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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