steveoafc Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 Lineswoman sian masseys new nickname is ' just for men '...........she was only used once and now the gray is gone! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peanuts Posted January 29, 2011 Share Posted January 29, 2011 Just tried the upgrade for fifa 2011 its brilliant and uptodate everytime my missus picks up the handset Andy Gray shouts "Get back in the kitchen woman ". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boboafc Posted January 30, 2011 Share Posted January 30, 2011 (edited) Little boy arrives home to find his mum and dad having sex on the sofa . . . Dad says : 'Don't worry son I'm just filling mummy with petrol! . . . . . Son replies: 'She doesn't do many miles to the gallon does she dad, uncle Dave only filled her up this morning Edited January 30, 2011 by boboafc Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
downender2 Posted January 30, 2011 Share Posted January 30, 2011 Little boy arrives home to find his mum and dad having sex on the sofa . . . Dad says : 'Don't worry son I'm just filling mummy with petrol! . . . . . Son replies: 'She doesn't do many miles to the gallon does she dad, uncle Dave only filled her up this morning quality never fades... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boboafc Posted January 31, 2011 Share Posted January 31, 2011 Fernando Torres' proposed move to Chelsea has apparently broken down after John Terry failed to agree terms with Torres' wife. if Darren Bent is worth £24m and Carroll £35m what on earth is Howard Webb worth? Might be time for Fergie to cash in?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lee Sinnott Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 A guy come up to me the other day and asked if there was a B&Q in Oldham. "No mate", I replied, "It's O-L-D-H-A-M" Wahey. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joe_lead Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 Guy walks into dentist. Dentist asks "So, what can I do for you today" Guy: "I have a bit of a problem, I feel like a moth" Dentist: "Sorry pal, nothing I can do for you, you need to see a doctor, or a shrink" Guy: "I know I do" Dentist "So what the eff are you doing in here?" Guy replies "Your light was on" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hometownclub Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 I think you can tell when a girl's too young for you when you have to make aeroplane noises to get your cock in her mouth. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hometownclub Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 I was sitting on a train opposite a beautiful Thai bird, and when she crossed her mini skirted legs I could see her gusset, and I thought ''for gods sake don't get an erection''…………….but she did. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
razza699 Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 :censored: I dont get it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hometownclub Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 I dont get it Neither did I, and it certainly wasn't very funny. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
razza699 Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 Neither did I, and it certainly wasn't very funny. Im all for 1 liners but 1 worders? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boboafc Posted February 7, 2011 Share Posted February 7, 2011 A man came home from work, sat down in his favourite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, "Quick! Bring me a beer before it starts!" She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer. When he finished it, he said, "Quick! Bring me another beer! It's gonna start!" This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer. When it was gone, he said, "Quickly! Another beer! It's gonna start any second!" "That's it!" She blows her top. "You ! You waltz in here, flop your fat ass down, don't even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave! Don't you realise that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long?" The husband sighed. "Oh :censored:. It's started Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lee Sinnott Posted February 7, 2011 Share Posted February 7, 2011 Just booked a table for me and the wag for Valentine's Day. It's gonna end in tears though........She's useless at snooker! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
100milesaway Posted February 7, 2011 Share Posted February 7, 2011 A bloke with a really bad speech impedement goes into a bookies and asks to see the manager, the manager arrives and the bloke says I've backed a f f f f f f f, the bookie says " A five to one"?, the bloke stammers n n n n n n no, I've backed a f f f f f f f the bookie says, "A four to one"?, The bloke getting more and more frustrated stammers n n n n n n n n n no I've backed a f f f f f f f f f f, The poor bookie doing his best to help the poor sole out says "A favourite"?, The bloke by now a stammering, stuttering, wreck says n n n n n n n n n n the bookie says whooh here take this twenty quid, will that be all right?. The bloke says t t t thank you and goes outside to his mate and says he he he he he he's a gggggreat bl bl bl bloke he he he he's just give me 20 quid, and I've just backed a f f f f f f forty ton truck into his new Bentley. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garcon Posted February 7, 2011 Share Posted February 7, 2011 I dont get it I did, sort of. The best (offensive) jokes get a range of reactions - I'd have been a bit concerned for the mental health of OWTB if it hadn't received at least one negative response. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
24hoursfromtulsehill Posted February 7, 2011 Share Posted February 7, 2011 Im all for 1 liners but 1 worders? I got a one-worder that's kept me in mirth for the past couple of days. Comediatrics. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jorvik_latic Posted February 7, 2011 Share Posted February 7, 2011 I got a one-worder that's kept me in mirth for the past couple of days. Comediatrics. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddog Posted February 7, 2011 Share Posted February 7, 2011 I got a one-worder that's kept me in mirth for the past couple of days. Comediatrics. How old's that shirt? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
24hoursfromtulsehill Posted February 7, 2011 Share Posted February 7, 2011 How old's that shirt? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boboafc Posted February 12, 2011 Share Posted February 12, 2011 I'm treating my wife to a romantic dinner for valentines day. Soft, slow cooked pasta. The finest petis pois, Finely diced soft soya flakes, A beautiful chicken stock marinade, Finely seasoned with fresh basil and mixed herbs. Then I just tip in water to the fill line, add the soy sauce sachet and I'm done. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steveoafc Posted February 13, 2011 Share Posted February 13, 2011 A book just fell on my head I've only got myshelf to blame! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boboafc Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 A container storing 250,000 man utd shirts was returned to the shores this morning along with a note from the Australian flood victims. It read, We have no home, we have no food, we have no money, but we still have our dignity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joe_lead Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 Michael Owen walks into a night club, goes straight up to a woman, starts feeling her breests and then says " get your coat love, you're coming home with me". The woman replies, "You're a little forward, aren't you? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boboafc Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 I saw a fat bird crying today. I went over to cheer her up but she ended up punching me in the face! Turns out the phrase "Chins up" wasn't good enough. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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