boboafc Posted October 19, 2010 Share Posted October 19, 2010 Wayne Rooney's been arrested for shoplifting a packet of Cherry Bakewells. He explained to police that he'd promised Coleen never to pay for another tart again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Millibob Posted October 19, 2010 Share Posted October 19, 2010 Thought this one would have been on by now:- Apparently all trains to Liverpool Lime Street have been stopped. It's due to a points failure at Anfield. Well at least it's clean!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boboafc Posted October 23, 2010 Share Posted October 23, 2010 how can you tell if you got a newspaper upside down .... liverpool are top of the league Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joe_lead Posted October 23, 2010 Share Posted October 23, 2010 An altar boy gets ran over and is lying in the road dying. An onlooker says, "he only has a few minutes to live, we need to get a priest...." The altar boy says, "I'm dying.... Why would I want sex at a time like this?" Given your avatar - Is it the hilarity of this 'joke' that attracts you most or its bigotted content? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boboafc Posted October 24, 2010 Share Posted October 24, 2010 I went to Bangkok for a testicle operation.The nurse cupped my balls and said... 'Dont worry, its normal to get an erection when doing this',But I said...'I havn't got an erection'...She said... 'I have' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
opinions4u Posted October 24, 2010 Share Posted October 24, 2010 Given your avatar - Is it the hilarity of this 'joke' that attracts you most or its bigotted content? Has it crossed your mind that dragging up something that was posted nearly 6 months ago and providing it with daylight is perhaps self-defeating? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueJazzer Posted October 28, 2010 Share Posted October 28, 2010 Has it crossed your mind that dragging up something that was posted nearly 6 months ago and providing it with daylight is perhaps self-defeating? I thought it was hilarious.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikejh45 Posted November 15, 2010 Share Posted November 15, 2010 An old one for Bob: A friend of mine just started his own business, making landmines that look like prayer mats. It's doing well. He says prophets are going through the roof. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steveoafc Posted November 15, 2010 Share Posted November 15, 2010 A jewish mate of mine walked into asda, whipped out his tallywacker and said............'' There you go, see if you can roll that back! '' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boboafc Posted November 16, 2010 Share Posted November 16, 2010 A Chinese vase discovered during a routine house clearance in a London suburb sold for 43 million pounds ($69 million) on Thursday, 40 times its estimate, and an auction record for any work of art from Asia according to the auctioneer. , just found out who the the secret buyer is , its buyer of the 43 million vase as revealed is identity,its the man city owner,he said its miles cheaper than tryin 2 win a cup...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
downender2 Posted November 28, 2010 Share Posted November 28, 2010 come on for pity's sake... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OldhamSheridan Posted November 28, 2010 Share Posted November 28, 2010 All this talk about not smacking children is ridiculous. My Uncle Audley used to beat me as a child and it did me no harm. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stebuzz Posted December 16, 2010 Author Share Posted December 16, 2010 Stick your tongue out: Slowly move it up & down, Now move it from side to side, paddy is asked whether he is a breast or a leg man he replies that he often has a penchant for shaven pussy. the girl behind the counter then informs him that is not an option when ordering KFC bargain buckets. CONGRATULATIONS! You have just completed the Steven Hawking's fitness video Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boboafc Posted December 19, 2010 Share Posted December 19, 2010 Bob Hill and his new wife Betty were vacationing in Europe....as it happens, near Transylvania. They were driving in a rental car along a rather deserted highway. It was late and raining very hard. Bob could barely see the road in front of the car. Suddenly, the car skids out of control! Bob attempts to control the car, but to no avail! The car swerves and smashes into a tree .Moments later, Bob shakes his head to clear the fog. Dazed, he looks over at the passenger seat and sees his wife unconscious, with her head bleeding! Despite the rain and unfamiliar countryside, Bob knows he has to get her medical assistance. Bob carefully picks his wife up and begins trudging down the road. After a short while, he sees a light. He heads towards the light, which is coming from a large, old house. He approaches the door and knocks. A minute passes. A small, hunched man opens the door. Bob immediately blurts, "Hello, my name is Bob Hill, and this is my wife Betty. We've been in a terrible accident, and my wife has been seriously hurt. Can I please use your phone .I'm sorry," replied the hunchback, "but we don't have a phone.. My master is a doctor; come in, and I will get him!" Bob brings his wife in .An older man comes down the stairs. "I'm afraid my assistant may have misled you. I am not a medical doctor; I am a scientist.. However, it is many miles to the nearest clinic, and I have had a basic medical training. I will see what I can do. Igor, bring them down to the laboratory.." With that, Igor picks up Betty and carries her downstairs, with Bob following closely.. Igor places Betty on a table in the lab. Bob collapses from exhaustion and his own injuries, so Igor places Bob on an adjoining table. After a brief examination, Igor's master looks worried. "Things are serious, Igor. Prepare a transfusion." Igor and his master work feverishly, but to no avail. Bob and Betty Hill are no more. The Hills' deaths upset Igor's master greatly. Wearily, he climbs the steps to his conservatory, which houses his grand piano. For it is here that he has always found solace. He begins to play, and a stirring, almost haunting melody fills the house. Meanwhile, Igor is still in the lab tidying up. His eyes catch movement, and he notices the fingers on Betty's hand twitch, keeping time to the haunting piano music. Stunned, he watches as Bob's arm begins to rise, marking the beat! He is further amazed as Betty and Bob both sit up straight! Unable to contain himself, he dashes up the stairs to the conservatory. He bursts in and shouts to his master: ,Master, Master!.....The Hills are alive with the sound of music Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boboafc Posted December 19, 2010 Share Posted December 19, 2010 No arguments about the Emirates call-off though. The last time there was that much white powder at Arsenal was when Paul Merson sneezed in 1994. e Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roger Ritchie Posted December 20, 2010 Share Posted December 20, 2010 Bob, not one of these 'jokes' has been funny. You've got nine pages worth too now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garcon Posted December 20, 2010 Share Posted December 20, 2010 Ignore him Bob, I thought they were funny! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joe_lead Posted December 27, 2010 Share Posted December 27, 2010 Got really emotional at the petrol station this morning. Don't know why... I just started filling up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lee Sinnott Posted December 28, 2010 Share Posted December 28, 2010 Some idiot started throwing lumps of cheese at me today.......I thought to myself "that's not very mature is it".. What do you call a girl with a chimney on her head............Ruth Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steveoafc Posted December 28, 2010 Share Posted December 28, 2010 Some idiot started throwing lumps of cheese at me today.......I thought to myself "that's not very mature is it".. What do you call a girl with a chimney on her head............Ruth I must have met the same idiot lee because he threw a prawn salad at me shouting '' That's just for starters! '' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joe_lead Posted December 29, 2010 Share Posted December 29, 2010 Bought the wife a wooden leg for Christmas. It wasn't her main present, more a stocking filler. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joe_lead Posted December 29, 2010 Share Posted December 29, 2010 What did the lone ranger say to Tonto when they reached the US/Canadian border? 'Onto Toronto pronto, Tonto!' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joe_lead Posted December 29, 2010 Share Posted December 29, 2010 A bloke flashed his ar@e at the wife this morning. She was upset at the time. But now she's over the moon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lee Sinnott Posted December 29, 2010 Share Posted December 29, 2010 My new years resolution is to stop wearing Spray Deodrant.........Roll on 2011! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lee Sinnott Posted December 29, 2010 Share Posted December 29, 2010 My new years resolution is to stop wearing Spray Deodrant.........Roll on 2011! For Christmas, I gave my girlfriend a ring..........She didn't answer so I left a voicemail. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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